Pasensya na, naging hectic lang. Bawi ako nang very light later, promise.

 

So, nung unang naging Spiderman pala si Tobey Maguire, 27 na siya. DNG lang as in Did Not Grow kaya pumasang highschool student. Si Andrew Garfield naman mas wow, maonda na at 29 years old. Nakakabata pala ang forever bedhead at hindi marunong magsuklay. Meanwhile ang latest na Spiderderman, si Tom Holland, fresh na fresh at 21. Bultong junjun pero day, may laman na ang mga noodles.

 

Medyo nabother nga ako kasi dun sa dalawang topless shot ni Tom, parang may naantig sa katawang lupa ko. Anuvers, hello BantayBata-much?! Wit pa naman kasi korteng papey si Tom de ba? Ang bulto niya eh parang yung bulto mga batak na katorse anyos ng bogets na tambay sa Centris Market pag Linggo offering to make bitbit your pinamili. 14 years old pero may poverty abs na, kaso around 5’2 palang ang mga height. Ganun. Ayaw ng Unicef! Nakakabother.

At kung pabagets si Spiderman, aba ayaw pahuli ng tiyahin niyang si Aunt May. Yung Aunt May ni Spider-Tobey, mas parang Lola May dapat. Yung Aunt May ni Spider-Andrew pinabagets nang slight played by Sally Fields pwede nang tiyahin. Pero aba ang latest na Aunt May hindi lang mas pinabagets, pina-hot pa played by Marissa Tomei. At ayaw nang magpatawag na Aunt May. May na lang raw. Cougar much? Hala ha, baka sa susunod na version, jowakels na ni Spiderman si Aunt May, charot!

 

Anyways, so bakit ba, Spiderman: Homecoming ang title? Ma!

 

Hula ko lang naman eh dahil matapos siyang i-world-premiere ni Iron Man sa bonggang airport fight scene sa Captain America: Civil War, pinajuwi na siya. Sabi sa kanya, o siya junjun, nakapag-cameo ka na sa isang big movie, juwi na ever kay tita ha, eat your veggies, drink 8 glass of water a day at gumamit ka ng tissue, wag mong ipunas sa kumot ok? Don’t call us, we’ll call you. Ganun. Pina-go home talaga ang bagets.

 

So syempre boredom ang bagets. Pinatikim mo ng umaatikabong wham-bam-kablam and use his superpowers tapos papauwiin mo ulit to nothingville? Witchikelles pwede! Wala nang bawian. Topotopo barega, dumila ka muna sa baga. Or something to that effect.

 

I kinda like na the movie glossed over the origins tale ni Spidey bilang jogets na nakagat ng radioactive spider. Knows naman na natin yun from all the retelling eh. So dito, may superpowers na agad siya. But it’s no longer about getting superpowers, it’s about becoming a superHERO.

 

Naks.

 

Pati nga ang pagkadeds ng jowa ni Aunt May na si Uncle Ben na gloss-over. Sobrang glossed over, ni hindi pinangalanan si Uncled Ben. Basta may pinagdaraanan lang raw si Aunt May, anubayun? So paano na yung best lesson ever taught in a Marvel movie, yung “with great power comes great responsibility”, sino magsasabi?

 

Waley. Pinalitan ng “If you are nothing without the suit, maybe you shouldn’t have it”, sabi ni Iron Man kay Spidey.

 

Haaaaaarsh! Tagooos!

 

Pero mas bet ko pa rin yung kay Uncle Ben.

 

Honestly, medyo boredom para sa akin yung mahabang first part ng movie showing how kabagot si Spidey sa highschool life niya.At hindi nakatulong na yung bestfriend niya eh kamukha ni Kuhol.

 

May nakakatawang moments pero very adolescent ang humor and concerns which i guess is precisely the point. Batang Spidey ang kinuha, pinabagets si Aunt May, pina-micro ang concern. Targetting the younger audience na nga. Even the look, feel at sound of the more lighthearted and cheerful, mas relatable sa bagets.

 

Kunsabagay, medyo padark and gloomy na kasi ang trajectory nung original Marvel/Avengers story arc. Very adult na ang concerns, baka iwanan ng young teen set ang franchise dahil paki nga naman nila sa world domination ng kunsino eh may mas malaking problema silang kinakaharap tulad ng bullying, peer pressure, acne at paano itatago porn stash nila. Saving the world is adult concern, si Spidey saving the neighborhood pa lang.

I find it a casting coup na makuha nila si Michael Keaton to play the main villain. Siya ang nagbukas ng eksena at napasinghap agad ako na, ayyy si Batman nasa Marvel movie! Oo, mga bagets na di pa pinapanganak noong 1989, naging Batman rin si Keaton… 28 years ago.

 

Pohtahng ina antanda ko na.

 

Bukod pa dun Keaton was in Birdman, yung critically acclaimed movie tungkol sa isang wahsed-up actor who used to play a sikat na superhero. And now Keaton is a supervillain. I mean, how perfect could it be pa?

 

Things perked up for me from the hinating ferry boat tapos sinulsihan ni Spidey ng sapot. Hungtaray. Kaso napunit rin yung sulsi, siguro hindi kasi maong stitch ang ginamit, so to the rescue si Iron Man. It was a rivetting experience. See what it did there? Rivet? Geddit? Nevermind.

 

And from there on, gising na ako. Bet ko yung eksenang binabawi ni Iron Man ang yung Spidey suit at yung intense emotion ni Tom Holland with the fear of losing everything. Actingan galore. I like. It reminded me of why Robert Downey Jr has been called one of the best actors of his generation and how Tom Holland could be of his.

 

And then there was the confrontasi between Keaton and Holland on the way sa homecoming prom. Kaloka yung silent intensity ni Tom tapos yung duality ng character ni Keaton. bungga ulit.

 

Of course it ends with another wham-bam-bangang galore dahil superhero comic movie ito pero pampaubos na lang ng baon kong caramel popcorn ang mga eksenang sumunod. Satisfied na ako.

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